Monday, April 1, 2013

When you say I love you?

When you say, I love you what exactly are you saying and what are your intentions? (I Corinthians 13) When I counsel couples for marriage the first question I ask is, why? Most inevitably the answer I always get is, I love her, or I love him! My response most always is wrong answer! From that response I get some peculiar looks.

I then go on to explain the reason for my response. Most relationship beginnings are not based on love but infatuation. Am I saying that love does not eventually come into play? No I am not, but love is not a feeling as they come to learn! They learn through a series of questions that love is learned and not earned.

Most time love is thrown out there as a tool for what works best and meets ones needs the most! But as we all learn that is not true love. True love comes into play when true commitment comes into play! That takes time and some self sacrifice. When the husband and or wife starts thinking of their spouse first knowing that their need will be met. This is a commitment that takes time and some work!

I start out couples with what I call a 10 and 10. It is a list of 10 things they may dislike and also 10 likes they see in their intended spouse. I get all kinds of looks and some even say they will not be able to come up with 10 of each! Yet when they come back the following week, they have a completed list! I always just smile and then begin our discussions.

What I have found in doing this, if people are willing to do this work now they will tend to do the work it takes in marriage. They learn to communicate and discuss issues they may not of otherwise done. They begin to discard some unwanted baggage they need not carry into their relationship. They soon discover as they discuss and work on these issues. They may be starting out liking one another more than loving one another!   

Yet they also learn that love is on the way. When they show, the one they care about, is so worth the effort and work it takes to genuinely care. When they see that they are worth taking the time to talk and listen to one another. When they start out actually helping each other through these issues, by sharing them openly and honestly. With no hurt or accusations intended. A sense of security develops and trust begins. 

Thus begins the journey towards love, a journey meant to last a life time. A journey that takes them to a place, where they understand love is not just a word to be thrown around. Love is something learned by giving more and expecting less. When they say I love you, what they are truly saying, I will walk with you wherever and through whatever! When you say, I love you, what exactly are you saying and what are your intentions?